Listening as communication

The importance of listening in human communication and dialogue

True communication is a dialogue not a monologue. Dialogue can happen only when people listen to each other.  Very often listening is not considered as a part of communication. We have come across people who can speak so well yet are weak in listening. We have tried to open our hearts to some people but end up regretting about it because we feel that the other person has not listened to us attentively and have misunderstood what we meant to convey. We also have come across people who consciously or unconsciously keep cutting into our words before we could complete our sentences. We feel agitated and start disliking the person. When we are only thinking about what to speak rather than listen, we are distancing the hearer away from us. For instance when we are in grief, we do not want to hear unsympathetic advises  from people who seem know all no matter how true they be. What we need is a pair listening ears and to feel understood. What we need is their 'being there' with us in our times of sorrow..

Listening in Conflict management: Much of our conflicts in our society would be better dealt with by giving importance to listening. When the aggrieved party feel they are being understood, it is the first step towards building trust between the two parties and dialogue can take place. Facilitators are not preachers but are to be listeners. A facilitator in a conflict situation has the important task of facilitating both parties to speak out as well as listen to each other. 

Listen to the voice of the people: In our home State of Manipur as well as the country of India in general, we are living in a scenario in which the government failed has  to listen to the voices of the people and tackle their manifold problems. The brutal rape case of a 6 year old baby girl  by a boy from the same village on February 14, 2016 and her subsequent death on February 28, 2016 has brought much agitation among the people and the issue was frequently in the newspapers. Within January 1, 2016 to March 5, 2016 (i.e. within 65 days) there have been recorded cases of 85 heinous crimes against women in the State according to Mangshatabam Sobita, the convener of United NGO Mission Manipur on the occasion of International Women's Day. "There were five rapes during this period and one victim was later murdered. There was another attempted rape. Three women mysteriously died while two others committed 'suicide'. One woman was murdered and three others escaped with injuries. One six-year- old rape victim was murdered. Three girls were molested and 22 others assaulted," said Sobita, providing details of some of the crimes. During this time, the people's representatives in the Manipur State Legislative Assembly was discussing in detail about the Manipur pony whereas nobody brought up the issue of the rising cases if violence against women in the State. This means that the politicians are not listening to the cries of the people and not concerned about the public when all they are worried about is winning the next election in the next year. 

I came across this inspiring insight by Henri J.M. Nouwen in a friend's Facebook post: 

Listening as Spiritual Hospitality: To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept.

Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond. Listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings. The beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you.