Lungsanliu
These are the best of times and the worst of times. We are living in a
fast changing world. Many things are happening around us that our children are
exposed to on a frequent basis. From living in a near Neolithic age, our tribal
people have gone into the modern 20th and then to the 21st
post modern century in one lifetime.
Our society is slowly departing from agrarian ways of life with more and
more people migrating to urban areas and adopting other means of employments
and businesses. Education and career opportunities are widening, society is
getting more diverse, the force of globalization is bringing the world closer
which brings along with it both positive and negative influences. Growing commercialism
and materialism are breeding corruption. The mass media especially TV, video, movies,
video games, Internet etc., are taking
the role of baby sitter and story teller of the new generation. The rate of
violence in society is growing with increasing terrorism, gun culture, rape
cases, sexual abuse against women and children. There is regression of morality
in the midst of technological progress in the society. And with the coming of
the Internet the influence of the new information and communication media will
continue to grow.
What roles can mothers play in the midst of these changes in bringing up
a better generation equipped to face these challenges positively. The answer is
a complex one. As mothers and as women, our roles in our society, family and in
the lives of our children are also changing as well as expanding. There is no
one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each child is
different and each mother has different challenges, different skills and
abilities. The changing role of mother today includes career issues,
responsibility for total home care, education of children, healthy life styles
for family, instilling children the right ideals and values of life by being
the positive role model for her children.
Facing Change
The key to successfully facing the changes in the society depends on
flexibility and not on rigidity or conservativeness. A flexible approach can help all mothers cope
with the challenges of raising children in a changing society. Parents who try
to build a wall around their families often find that the larger culture breaks
in or that their children break out. And over permissive families that cut off
their cultural roots altogether find themselves drifting without any values to
anchor them. We need to be able to hold on to our core cultural and spiritual
values but also stay open to the new things happening around us. It is
important to choose which changes to accept and which to reject.
Spending Quality Time
Attention is a basic need for children. In our struggling society where
both parents are working either in the field, office or in some business, the
priority is to provide material needs of the family. Parents hardly think about
spending time with their children. Children need their mother’s companionship
while growing up. It is very important for mothers (and fathers) to spend
quality time with children when we mindfully listen to them, participate with
activities that interest them and show them our love. Quality time implies
interactions that are close, nurturing and lovingly responsive. It can occur at
anytime spent together with a child- long or short. What’s special about this
is that it is personal, exclusive time together when each child gets her
parent’s undivided attention. This is a powerful way for a mother to connect
with her children.
Mother as the
most important role model
The mother is the primary role model for the
child and her personality will be
copied in many respects by her children – including her
healthy and unhealthy habits. If a
mother fails to provide her child with the essential habits and morals it needs
then most likely the child will not develop into its full potential. In addition, it is up to the mother to teach the child through love
so that they will grow up into a caring and responsible person. The ancient Authoritarian parenting method as
well as Permissive parenting method of the 50s and 60s have been proved wrong- Assertive-democratic
parenting method is found to be the best in this age. By being gentle but firm,
she can guide the child.
Education: Mothers are
strong academic role models for their children especially on daughters. First
is the significance of an educated mother. The benefits of an educated mother
transcends generations. The Telegraph, UK reports a study done during 1993 to
2006 on 43,000 teenagers which revealed that mother’s influence is the leading factor
for children’s educational achievements. The educational achievements of
fathers have less significant impact on their children’s academic
accomplishments but the mother’s educational achievements have significant
impact especially on their daughter.
The sad trend developing in our tribal society
is that our people are more conscious of latest fashion dress and gadgets than
the quality of education we strive to provide for our children in this
competitive world. Mothers’ role is very crucial in inculcating the importance
of education and implant the mindset that the person’s worth depends on the
professionalism, quality and character, not the outward appearance.
Apart from academic
education, holistic education including emotional development, learning to
build relationships in their lives, development of talents and passion in
children, guidance in identifying strengths and weaknesses, resiliency and will
power to face difficult situations in life will contribute towards success of
the children as they go on to become great personalities. Holistic education of
children will help them to live better lives.
Monitoring the mass media:
Mothers should closely monitor the media programs their children watch,
listen to and play in order to see if a program is appropriate for their age.
Screen the items by checking the cover for horror, violence or adult (sexual)
content, or watching them yourself ahead of time. Parents can watch TV with
children and discuss what you see with them pointing to what are good and bad. For
instance, if we talk about sex in a matter-of-fact way, it takes some of the
thrill of mystery or discovery that so surrounds the subject.
Parents have to be ready to set the limit and learn to say no to certain
programs not appropriate for them. Set time limit for every activity; physical
activities, TV, music, Video games or Internet, study and household work. Never
put TV or computer in children’s bed room but in the common room.
Instilling
Environmental awareness: It is high
time that we mothers in our society teach our children from an early age how to
care for the environment, create positive attitude towards other living beings,
introduce sustainable ways of living, conserving energy, exploring ways of
recycling and keeping a clean environment.
Like any other
behavior, if we demonstrate that we are aware of how
our actions affect the environment, children will certainly pick up on it and
try to imitate. This is because giving children the right foundation on
environmental concerns will help them become better citizens of the world, as
they will be encouraged to make the Earth a safer place to live for generations
to come.
Instilling tolerance in a diverse society: Throughout world history, we have seen cruel acts of hatred and
prejudice resulting in intolerance against other’s race and religion such as
slavery and racism, Holocaust of World War II and recently terrorism. From
these experiences, people are coming to realize the misery that intolerance can
create in the world, and how important it is to promote tolerance and respect in
this diverse global community today in order to live in peace. Tolerance means
that one is free to adhere to one's own convictions and accept that others
adhere to theirs. It means accepting the fact that human beings, naturally
diverse in their appearance, situation, speech, behavior and values, have the
right to live in peace and to be as they are. It also means that one's views
are not to be imposed on others. Most kids are going to school with people from
different backgrounds. Parents have to know that it is very important for young
generation to get along for their own educational advancement. Also, today's
workplace is a pluralistic workplace. Tolerance is the virtue that makes peace
possible and contributes to the replacement of the culture of war by a culture
of peace.
Teaching gender Equality: In
these changing times when both men and women are moving forward on equal basis,
it is primitive to discriminate between boys and girls. Parents can do a lot of harm by reinforcing
gender stereotypes or foster equality between future men and women by the way
they bring up their children.
Words we use can reinforce or help reduce stereotypes when we say ‘being a girl you should get up early, remain
silent, or you cannot do this or that’ ‘girls don’t play football or with toy
cars,’ ‘boys don’t play with dolls’ or telling girls to fetch water or look
after the baby while the boys are free to sleep away till noontime or to roam
and play whole day. Instead, let them learn to work and play equally according
to their capacity and interest. Today’s parents should practice gender equality
at home by treating children equally regardless of their gender. In a
generation with growing rate of violence against women, boys will learn to be treat
women with equal respect when they grow up.
Inculcating the idea of true success:
Modern society is growing excessively materialistic and competitive.
Moral and spiritual guidance may go down because of our busy life. In this fast-moving society, setting up and maintaining a family
alter in our homes where the whole family meets around the Word of God to read,
pray, sing, share problems and concerns will be one of the most difficult
things for us to maintain but one that our children will follow.
Through our life examples, parents need to teach the value of hard work,
integrity, dignity of labor and inculcate the value true success. We should
know that success in life is more that accumulating material wealth. We need to
raise our children with more positive ideals. Mothers have the opportunity to
change the world by raising children with strong values beyond their own needs-
cooperation, kindness, honesty, tolerance of diversity who will grow up to help
others, strengthen human relations and bring about a better world. Living by
these values will bring far greater pride and fulfillment than the superficial
success of a highly paid job, huge building or a new luxury car.
Mothers as Individuals
Married women may be both wives and mothers, but we met must not forget
that they are also individuals with needs of their own. There are unrealistic
expectations upon mothers in which they have to be all things to all people. Tired
mothers come home and are still expected to keep the house clean, cook meals
and take care of every family member. With the change of time, all family
members should contribute their part, including dads, in helping to make things
work at home daily. Mothers are learning the as well as others. Today mothers
are taking more time to care for their self in a lot of different ways.
The changing role of mothers should not be seen as a bad change, but one
that promotes healthy and happier life styles for all family members. Mothers
will always fill the role of mother, no matter how many changes in life occur. Let
me conclude by quoting UN General Secretary, Ban Ki Moon’s message on the
International Day of Families, 6th May 2009:
We face multiple challenges in our changing
world, but one factor remains constant: the timeless importance of mothers and
their invaluable contribution to raising the next generation. By rewarding
their efforts and enhancing their living conditions, we can secure a better
future for all.
